he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
