My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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