Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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