I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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