Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize