My brain says no but my pants say off.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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