Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
