he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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