did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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