theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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