Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
