Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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