He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize