so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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