Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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