first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
