well you can't waste a boner
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
