1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
