Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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