dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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