and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
