I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
