p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
