I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
