Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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