My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
