you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize