how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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