I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize