Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
