So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
