So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
