I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
