It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
