I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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