Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
