remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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