Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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