Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
