we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
