yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
bring money and cleavage
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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