yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
