there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
