Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
