I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
