jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
