Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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