I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
