I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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