I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
