I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
