Where is the hickey?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
