I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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