I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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