Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
