If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
