I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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