break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
whose parrot is this?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
