her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize