I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
