Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
organizing the empties. That sober.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
