...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
