dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
