I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
