And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
