I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize